I just finished watching the finale of season 5 of Grey's Anatomy. I had tears streaming down my face and snot running out of my nose. So not cool.

Now I have to rally and write a 7 page paper.

My new favorite word care of The Superior Person's Book of Words:

groak - n. One who stands around while others eat, in the hope that he will be invited to join in.

I three finals today. I'm pretty sure I bombed the Classics final but I should be alright. My Sci-Fi final should be ok and the English final was alright I suppose

The real thing is the paper I have to turn in on Tuesday. No progress yet. I haven't put much thought into it really. Although I did check out some books from the library. They're sitting on my... um, what would I call it? It's a table by my bed. I guess it's an end table. That sort of covers most small non-dining tables. But, yeah. They're sittin' there.

I've been watching Grey's Anatomy. I'm up to season 4. The pilot episode for Private Practice looked interesting. Mostly because there were two really hot guys.

This goofy mother fucker, who, after I googled him I realized is from the Britanick.com videos!

And this dude.


I kinda need to watch that show now too.

But back to Grey's Anatomy. Sandra Oh is simply incredible. And beautiful. I absolutely list in her in my top five favorite actresses. And I think she's stunning. I just wanted to mention that. Again.

She's going to be in a 2010 film release called Rabbit Hole based on an incredible play. Totally gonna have Oscar buzz and all that jazz.

And George O'Malley is still adorable.


And Mark Sloan. Yum. Although he should never, ever shave.




I've been downloading a lot of music. I went a little crazy. Like when I google or wikipedia shit crazy. Actually that's what I was doing but with music so I had to download it so that I could get the whole experience. I kinda hate pitchfork.com even though it does lead to some good music. Although I almost never agree with their reviewers. Well I do but stuff I really like they usually give like a 6 or something. Boo, I say. Boo to you, sir!

I like Jesu's Conqueror. It reminds me of Tool (what little I've heard of them), Snow Patrol's Eyes Open but without the cheery, and Muse but mellow. I guess it's considered shoegaze which is a genre I'm not familiar with. The things the kids think up. Hah.

There's also Man Man. They're music sounds very tactile if that makes any sense. There's a couple of scenes in The Triplets of Belleville (one of my favorite silent French-Belgian-Canadian animated films about bicycling and triplets) where the characters perform music with ordinary objects. A vacuum, a refrigerator, and a newspaper or a bike rim. It's very Stomp if anyone remembers what that is. Not to say that that's what Man Man is.

And that is why I'll never be a critic or reviewer of any sort.

And I just did it again. Downloading more music. Even though I have tons to still add to my iTunes. I'm going to officially expose myself to Fleetwood Mac. I downloaded some collection or other.

So. There's a little nook in the English Department that features a few bookshelves where the faculty can unload old books and such and that the Grad Student something or other charges a buck or two for. I've found quite a few books there. House of Sand and Fog, Narcissus and Goldmund, One Hundred Years of Solitude, Firmin, Wide Sargasso Sea, Their Eyes Were Watching God, The Turn of the Screw, etc. Good stuff! I love it there.

On my most recent expedition I found The Superior Person's Book of Words. I'm not a superior person but people often say that one should dress for the job they want. It's really a joke book but the words are real. I think. I hope. If I can remember to, I'd like to include a word a day/entry type of thing.

zugzwang - n. A state of play in a game of chess such that any of the various moves open to the player with the next move will damage his position.

I was out of your league
And you were 20,000 underneath the sea
Waiving affections
You were out of my league
At a distance that I didn't wanna see
Down to the bottom

I wanted a junction and often there was one
You'd surface face first and we'd share our thought bubbles
And I still believe in the phrases that we breathed
But I know the distance isn't fair to cross

Your depths made a pressure that punctured my works and all your fluids couldn't tolerate the force of my thirst
I love the place where we shared our tiny grace
But because it's real doesn't mean it's gonna work

And true affection floats
True affections sinks like a stone
I never felt so close
I never felt so all alone

I was out of your league
And you were 20,000 underneath the sea
Waiving affections
You were out of my league
At a distance that I didn't wanna see
Wanted you nearer

Just listen to the song. You can kinda ignore the video:

I didn't even notice that I hadn't written here in two weeks. I knew something was missing. But it is the end of the quarter so I guess I have an excuse.

I went back and was reading my journal from the beginning. haha so horrid. Who was that person?! I don't even know what to say.

I feel like compiling a list of shit I've "lost ". and by lost I likely mean that I let someone borrow it and never saw it again. Let's begin!

Me and you and everyone we know - I'm pretty sure I owned this movie. I don't remember who I let borrow it though.

Little Shop Of Horrors - My first year at UCR I met a girl in my Theater classes. She was black and loud. I let her borrow this DVD and I kept meaning to ask her for it but she's black and loud. I was afraid of how'd react. I didn't want her thinking I was "comin' at her, throwin' shade!" you know.

Pan's Labyrinth - My first year at UCR I had an RA named Princess. What does one imagine when they hear that a girl is named Princess? Please tell me. Because this Princess was a half-black lesbian with masculine tendencies. She was butch-er that me (which, sadly, is not hard to accomplish.) I messaged her on facebook asking about my movie because, again, I was afraid of how she'd react if I confronted her face to face. She never got back to me.

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy The Extended Editions - While I was still living at home two of my uncles started to live with the us the year before I transferred to UCR and moved into the dorms. I'm pretty sure one of them sold the set for booze money.

Those are all the DVDs I can think off. I'm sure there are books but I can't think of any. I should just not let people borrow stuff ever again.

I have to take three finals on friday from noon to 3 pm! Joy!

And the only real assignment of the quarter, a 7-10 page paper (hahah come on you know it's only going to be 7) on a topic of my choice about the Restoration and 18th century plays we read, is due Tuesday. There are plenty of interesting topics but the problem I have with all of them is drawing pertinent conclusions about them. I think that I just don't want to think.

I finished watching Season 3 of Dexter just now. It was pretty good.

And featured on the last disc were the first two episodes of United States of Tara. Now I have something else to add to my netflix. Toni Collete is sort of amazing. And the son is adorable.

I bought the soundtrack to Fantastic Mr. Fox today. And I called my mom and asked if it would be a problem if I moved back home at the end of December. I knew she'd say it was no problem even though there's no room for me there but didn't want to presume and just tell her that I was moving back. I also told her my plans to move to Palm Desert after I graduate.


I didn't sleep last night so I got home after getting out of class at 3 and slept til 1. Now I'm awake with nothing to do. I guess I could read some comics or something. I have plenty to read. It just seems daunting so I don't know where to start.

I got my test back for intro to sci fi. I got a really high A. My first test was a really low B. We have one last exam so I figure I can't possibly do worse than my first test. So I'm wagering that I'll get a B in the class and raise my gpa or I can risk possibly getting a high C and lowering my average or I can pass/fail and have this class not effect it at all. Hmm... I'm definitely pass/failing myths and folklore. I'm sort of stuck in the B- range in that class. Oh lordie.

I just finished reading a bunch of The Order of the Stick. It's pretty entertaining. I don't really play pnp rpg but I did for a very short while in high school. Still funny though. It reminds me that I can need to catch up on 8-bit Theater.

So.

Last night I went to see Parade at the Mark Taper Forum in Los Angeles. It was pretty great. And T.R. Knight was damn good. He stripped down to boxers once and took off his shirt another time. He is so milky-pale sexy. And fuck can the boy sing.

The show (as I described it to hork) is sort of a tragic Urinetown. I came up with the comparison sort off-hand right after I left the theater because stylistically Parade reminded me of Urinetown. If anybody else saw the two shows they probably would look at my sideways but this is just how my mind works. They both deal with social injustice and politics though. Anyhow, both of the protagonists of each show are murdered. They're both also more ensemble casts.

Basis for Parade. Read the (short) first part and you'll know the plot of the musical.

It was weird because the lady I saw in Chicago as Roxy and Sweet Charity as Charity in New York was in Parade playing the Governor's wife/Mary's mom. This chick keeps busy. Seriously, when I saw in New York, I saw in Chicago as Roxy one day and the very next day I saw her as Charity in Sweet Charity. I guess she was covering for Christina Applegate.

It's composed by Jason Robert Brown who did the musical The Last Five Years and more recently the musical 13. 13 is a musical about teens, starring an all teen cast and featuring an all teen orchestra. And he teaches at USC.

oh but yeah the real reason I started talking about this was that when I left the theater I had to wait because hork, tboss, and their friend Shanti had to come pick me up because they were in Hollywood watching 2012. They said it was horrible.

Luckily we'd all watched Fantastic Mr. Fox before I left for the Mark Taper. Mr. Fox is pretty awesome by the way. Probably the best film of the year just so you know. Definitely it getting it on DVD. As I was watching The Fanstastic Mr. Fox I got little nudges of familiarity. I kept asking myself why I was reminded of The Royal Tenenbaums (which I've only seen once) and Rushmore (again, only seen once). The tone and humor were so reminiscent of those two films and I was wondering why. When the credits rolled it turned out it's written and directed by Wes Anderson who did The Royal Tenenbaums and Rushmore. I should've known.

I was so skeptical of Fanastic Mr. Fox. I wasn't even sure I wanted to see it. So worth it though.

Anyhow, onto the real reason I started this entry is that when I left the theater I was waiting by the lovely fountain/statue and I saw hordes of people going into another venue, the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion. I guess it's like an after party thing for season ticket people or something. But anyhow I wandered over to their ticket booth and noticed a flier for Wagner's Der Ring des Nibelungen cycle. They're doing it next year in June. I will see it! It just seems like an awesome chance to see an amazing epic opera foursome. This shit is not gonna happen anywhere near me again any time soon.

I was so flipping stoked but I waited until I got home this morning to check the ticket prices. I came across this little piece and was left breathless:


I just about screamed. But then I looked on the previous page again and noticed that they are playing in groups. So I need to double check this but I think the ticket prices are like season package but it's only for these four operas. It makes sense. And that better be the case. I am not paying a 100 bucks four times only to get the worst seats for each of the four operas. Fuck that. The thing is also that you watch all four over the course of a week. Each is about... well Das Rheingold (the prequel/prologue) is 2.75 hours. And the other three are each 4, almost 5 hours long. Incredible, right?!

I wanna see it!

I'm watching Homocide since Robert went to bed 4 hours ago. I did play one round of Classic on Brawl with Pikachu. I got Jason the Pikachu trophy. Then I played Super Mario Galaxy. It's fun. Kinda frustrating but different. And now I'm watching Homocide.

I found a Fleshlight on the kitchen table. I'd never seen one in person so when I first saw it I thought it was a Pringles can... no it tapers... a water bottle... it doesn't have a cap... holy shit! that's a Fleshlight. What's a Fleshlight doing on the kitchen table?! Awesome.

Kitty's still a bitch.

Sorry I just went to dinner with hork. We went to Chili's. Our waitress was a bitch. She brought him dishwater. There were a bunch of cute guys at least.

I hop out of the shower, eat my apple slices, pack my bag and realize that my laptop won't fit in that bag so I repack in a different with only minutes before I have to be at the bus stop. I catch the bus and luckily there's no wheelchairs, white trash, latina welfare queens and their brood. Just students.

The bus isn't stopping at the metrolink station on this run so I hope off on the following stop and walk back and take a lung full of concrete debris as I walk by the renovations that their doing to the road. There are a bunch of cute l.a. bound boys waiting for the train so that makes the wait bearable. I eat my chicken sandwich and the remaining apple slices. yum.

on the train there's a bum heading to norwalk who talks really loudly, wears a reflective vest and blows a whistle. There's also a guy sitting on the second level that is leering at me. Well, maybe not leering but looking at me anyway. I was very creeped out. It started with him just looking down at me in the midlevel section at the end of the cars from his seat. I was tired so I would rest my head and close my eyes. Everytime I opened them he was looking at me from his seat. About the fourth time I open my eyes and he's no longer looking at me. In fact he's reclined back in his seat and I can no longer see his head (which means he can't see me). Wrong! I turn to my right and I see him looking at me through the reflection in the window. creeper! I don't understand what his deal was.

Anyhow, I don't miss my stop even with my dozing. I get off at the Buena Park train station which it turns out is really nice. The bus I need isn't there so I head to bathroom. As I'm about to enter the security guard asks me, "#1 or #2?". I'm weirded out (again) and I take off my earbuds and turn to him so that I can check him out in case he's trying to cruise me or something. I need to make sure he's not a ghoul. "huh?", as per my usual response. And he repeats his query. And of course all sorts of things are racing through my head. I didn't realize that I needed to until he asked but I could poop. He's really not cute but he ain't an orc. Is that some sort of cruise code that I'm not aware of? And if it is what's the right answer? What's the wrong answer for that matter?! Am I screwed either way? Is he gonna rape me!?!!!!!!!?

"1", I reply unsure of myself.

"Oh good."

He walks into the stall and proceeds to make a phone call as I pee at the urinal. Now this is a trend I've been noticing that has disturbed me for some while. Why would you make a phone call while you're taking a dump or a leak? Both activities are rather loud and the person you're calling is bound to notice. Isn't it hella rude to force someone to listen to you defecate over the phone? I'm sure this is not what they had in mind when they answered their phone. And for some reason everytime I've been in a public bathroom where someone is making a call the conversation is always something that is not only not appropriate for a public bathroom but not appropriate for being out in public in general. I've heard fights, arguments, business dealings etc. What the hell?

Anyhow, I walk out of the bathroom and I see the bus I need pulling around. Perfect timing. I disembark across the street from Robert and Jason's apartment. Sweet.

I call Robert to let me in the gate. For some reason I totally misunderstand what he says (probably because I wasn't paying attention) and try the little phone for the apartments. He doesn't answer. I try the door to the complex and one of them was left ajar by the dude that walked past me on the sidewalk with his dog. So I knock on their apartment door and no answer. Knock some more and after a few minutes Robert calls me. I ask him "So what's going on here?" I tell him what happened with the gate and that I'm at his door. "Oh I'm still at work. I'll be home in an hour. The key is under the cat." "Oh... I feel like you told me that and that I wasn't listening."

So I break in and hang out with Kitty. She walks around me with her back arched and tail straight up. I think she wants me. Dirty whore.

When Robert gets home we head over to Chili's where he gets a steak and I get a burger. I've never had steak in my life. I think I had steak fajitas once at the Mission Inn. I should try a steak next time. I eat my fries and bring home the burger and Robert's mashed potatoes. He never takes home food and I always do.

When we get back here we play Sequence despite Kitty's bitch fits. She was fucking walking across the game board. Slut's luckily I didn't hurl her across the room with her fucking superior attitude. I suck my teeth at her. mmhmm.

I won by the way. It's cause I had Tchaikovsky playing.

Oh yeah when I first broke in my eyes immediately fell on to the wall which was newly graced by a framed film poster for Dancer in the Dark. Ooh I am envious.


I'm not a big poster person but seeing theirs makes me want one. Yes, it is one of my top five favorite films (and most days it is my #1) but that image of Selma is just beautiful. If I'm identifying it correctly it's during the Smith & Wesson musical segment. Or it could just be a still from something else. But seeing the joy in her face gives me chills when I think of the movie. Ugh.

Jason doesn't get back from Texas until noon tomorrow. He was supposed to be back today but he missed his flight because of traffic. I kinda want to play his Wii. I hope he doesn't get pissed but I haven't played Super Smash Bros. Brawl in almost a year. I'm gonna whoop some ass.

So today was kinda blah. And I only realized half an hour ago that it's Friday the 13th.

The day started with my waking up to my iPod playing Antony and The Johnsons I think it was. I'm awful in the morning so I had to rush to making it to my first class at noon. Restoration and 18th century Drama is really boring and repetitive. Next was Myths and folklore and we got our tests back. I totally need to pass/fail that class. Finally, intro to sci fi where we were taking our second midterm. I think I did ok, but I may have to pass/fail this class too.

so I finish with my classes at three and head home because I got to get ready to catch the bus to the metrolink station. I make a turkey burger, a chicken burger and I have an apple which I slice with my new apple corer/slicer. It's pretty nifty. But it was ten bucks. But I do plan on eating more apples since my doctor scared me into eating more fruits and vegetables. the whore.

I eat the turkey burger before I jump in the shower as more Antony and the Johnsons blasts in my room.

to be continued!

Arkansas 10-Year-Old Won’t Pledge Allegiance Until Gays Gain Equality



is that how it works? I hope it works.

But yeah that kid. His parents so coached him.

I was not that socially or politically conscious in high school much less at 10! Hell I'm not socially or politically conscious now!

So. I made a chicken burger for the first time yesterday and it was so tasty. And I also tried this bacon cheese (on the chicken burger, of course) for the first time and it was pretty good too. I'm not even that big of a fan of bacon but it intrigued me.

I'm finally going to finish American Psycho! Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but someday... soon. I've been reading it for about two years now. And because parts of it are so similar, I feel like every time I pick it up after an extended break that I go too far back. I don't use book marks. and I think I've read and reread that same parts over and over. but I can never remember because i don't use booksmarks and so many part of the book are Pat just listing what people are wearing, him trying to score drugs, ranting about a musical artist, freaking out about some woman.

I do want to read more Ellis though. Actually I guess once I finished American psycho I'll have read his first three novels. And then I'll just have to work through his work chronologically. And he's writing a sequel to Less Than Zero?

And apparently all of Ellis's books have been adapted to film. How strange.

And I want to read Donna Tartt's The Secret History and The Little Friend.

Mmm. I got bored and rebeat the ending of Final Fantasy XII. It took like 2 or 3 hours. It was pretty though. I think I sold my copy of Final Fantasy X or I'd beat the end of that too. Now I have the urge to replay the Xenosaga Trilogy. Mmm indeed. I sold those too, unfortunately. I was hard up for cash.

I dyed my hair yesterday. I have been getting stray grays since middle school. It isn't cute so I'll (when I remember to and when I get the motivation to go out and buy the dye and do it) periodically dye my hair black.

Oh yeah the CSET! It went pretty well I think. haha. I didn't get to completely finish the final two essays. I was working on one when I checked the time and started on the second just so that I would have something for both. And I came back to the first and threw in some flashy words. Hopefully they get the idea. oh god I so failed that subtest.

But the other were much better! Sort of. The first two subtests were multiple choice. Some of those questions though... One asked Middle English is a combination of Old English and what language? A. Old Greek B. Dutch C. Norman French D. Arabic

Who is Norman!? And who knows the answer to that question? I don't. And another asked something about how the German language influenced English. I sure as hell don't know that. Again, who does?

And I know I'll probably look like an idiot when someone comments to this entry and answers both of those questions. but anyhow.

Those are just two of the most ridiculous questions I remembered. And probably the two I most definitely got wrong. Luckily there were plenty of questions on the other end of the spectrum like Which of the following words is a compound word? If I fail either of the multiple choice subtests I should just drop out and apply for a job at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I'll be the next Howard Bamboo. "I can't count past 30." Seriously, there needs to be more Bamboo.

But I get my results on December 7th. Hopefully my housing situation is resolved by then?

I need a new roommate. Literally. This one says he can't afford to live here anymore. I don't believe him but I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt.

So I can either stay here and pay an extra 250 to get the room to myself, or I can try to find someone that is willing to share the room to keep paying the same amount of rent or I can find someone to sublet the room and then i can move back into my folk's place....

There's only one good option but that option has me working the street so that i can make up the 250 dollar increase in rent.

Surprisingly my second choice is moving back to my parents. It would only be there for 3 or four months. And I'd actually be more likely to find a job in their area of Riverside than in mine because competing with other college students for the limited number of jobs available here is crap when I can compete against gangsters, wetbacks, unwed mothers and high school kids.

Finding someone to share the room with would be great but only if it's someone I know. If it's a stranger... unless he's hot, gay or awesome I don't even want to bother.

On on a happier note I am going to see Parade tomorrow. It's starring George from Grey's Anatomy otherwise known as T.R. Knight. Hopefully. If not, then this weekend. Hopefully.

So I have the CSET in English in twelve hours. I really have/had no way to prepare for this test. I'm sure Kaplan or someone makes a book for studying but come on.

About the only thing that's keeping me from freaking out is that fact that I always do well on multiple choice without studying. I looked at some sample tests on the website and the stuff you either know or you don't. English majors across the country do not all get the same education. Across California no English student is getting the same exposure to theory, literature, whatnot as me. There is no way to prepare for this like someone would for a math test. Math you either know or you don't. If you're taking a calculus test you know what you review. But English isn't standardized like that. Sure you can know grammar and basic composition skills but analysis, criticism and the application of theory is what we do. Ugh I sound like a monster.

I guess I'm a pretty good bullshitter when it comes to essays to that's another reason I'm not freaking out. Let's just hope I don't totally overestimate this test and that it doesn't whoop my ass.

So I just watched V. It took an unexpected turn but I was wondering what big thing could happen that would make the show last and I got it. I was so glad for sexy, funny ginger, Alan Tudyk! There better be more of him. And Elizabeth Mitchell is in two ABC dramas simultaneously?! Which reminds me I need to catch up and watch season 5 of Lost! so behind.

I'm excited because you can the tell something huge is going to happen in V. It has to. By mid-season or the season finale, because the charade can only last so long. Hmm. I predict that the Vs will obliterate earth and only a handful of survivors will escape on hijacked V ship and search for a habitable planet. Sounds familiar though... Meh, I stick with I know.

Edit: I went to bed at 6 am and it's hella foggy outside. By the way, why does the black guy have to be the first traitor?

Dang rejected from bear411 again. Heh this time around I was advised to post a picture of just my face which I did but apparently that site just hates me.

In better news I found out I have borderline high blood pressure. I'm gonna consult with some health person tomorrow about things and what nots. I wasn't really listening. I was just nervous about the blood they had to draw for the cholesterol tests and chemical panels or medical jargons they were going to do. Well not exactly nervous. I don't get nervous. I do laugh when I get bloody drawn though. It's really strange. I think so anyway.

I'm going to start watching V. I know someone that prefers V to Flashforward and someone that likes them both so I figure it's worth a shot.

ok i need to get offline and read Octavia Butler's Kindred.