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The Penelopiad

Socks and Trousers

Willy Nilly
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If I bore you, you can pretend to snore-- like this. I'll get the idea, and you certainly won't hurt my feelings. Honestly. They call me "La Agrado"... because I've always tried to make people's lives agreeable. As well as being agreeable, I'm very authentic! Look at this body! All made to measure. Almond-shaped eyes-- 80,000 pesetas. Nose-- 200,000. A waste of money. Another beating the following year left it like this. It gives me character, but if I'd known... I wouldn't have touched it. I'll continue. Tits-- two, because I'm no monster. 70,000 each, but I've more than earned that back. Silicone in-- Lips, forehead, cheeks... hips and ass. A pint costs about 100,000... so you work it out, because I've lost count. Jaw reduction-- 75,000. Complete laser depilation...because women, like men, also come from apes. 60,000 a session. It depends how hairy you are. Usually, two to four sessions. But if you're a flamenco diva, you'll need more. Well, as I was saying... it costs a lot to be authentic, ma'am. And one can't be stingy with these things... because you are more authentic... the more you resemble what you've dreamed of being.

El Salvador? Maybe I'll sign on. I always thought I could make it big in the Third World. The street's getting worse here every day. The whores were bad enough, but the drag queens are wiping us out. I can't stand the drag queens. They're sleazebags. They confuse transvestism with a circus. Worse, with mime! A women is her hair, her nails... liips for sucking or for bitching. I mean, have you ever seen a bald woman? I can't stand them. They're all sleazebags!

See that bonfire where the tops are? Ask for Ursula. Tell her Agrado sent you. She'll fix you up.

I took her in. She was in a bad way. As usual, with all the shit she takes. I came back from working the Field all night and she'd cleaned the place out. Watches, jewelry, '70s magazines that were my inspiration. 300,000 pesetas. What hurt most was that she took a statue of the Virgin that my mother gave me. What for? She doesn't believe in anything! Unless she's in a satanic sect and wanted it for some ritual. To do that to me, with all she owes me! Since we met in Paris 20 years ago, I've been like a sister to her. We got our tits together. You know better than anyone.

Just don't disappear again. I like to say good-bye to the people I love... even if it's only to cry my eyes out, bitch.

I know very well how to keep it shut. I played along like an English lady so she wouldn't catch on. I'm a model of discretion even when I'm sucking someone's cock. I've sucked a lot of cocks in public places... and no one's noticed, except the person involved.

--They're very different for sisters, aren't they? -Are they sisters? --That's what Manuela said. -Well, if she says so. --I think you're all bullshitters. -You have to get to know us. --Can you drive? -I used to be a truck driver. --Really? -In Paris, before I got my tits. Then I gave up the truck and became a whore. --How interesting. -Very.

--Would you give me a blow job? -Can't you all get it into your head that I'm retired? --I don't want you to think that... But since I've been on edge all day... I think a blow job would relax me. -You give me one. I'm on edge too. --Well, it would be the first time I've sucked a woman's cock... but if that's what it takes. -The whole company is obsessed with my cock! It isn't the only one around. Don't you have a cock? --Yes. -Do people ask you to suck their cocks because you've got one? Do they? --No. -Well, then? Look, I'll suck you off to show you how open-minded and how sensitive I am about these things.

Nina got married. She's back in her home town. She's got a baby too. It's fat and horrible. Really, really ugly.


Besides, you can't believe anything I say.
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